Match Report - Earls Colne & Bures vs. Clacton 22/08/04

(PDQ Cars League - Division 3)

Earls Colne & Bures 211 for 7(45 overs)

Clacton - 152 all out

(David Coyle 9-3-18-5)

Earls Colne & Bures won by 59 runs

A party atmosphere prevailed at Bures on a sunny Sunday afternoon with the early (1.00pm) start time presenting various problems for the players. First on the scene were Mr. Slow and Captain Wamos who wandered around aimlessly and poked and prodded a flat but soft wicket, moaning that they had not had time to cut the grass at home. Mrs. Brogan arrived, anticipating her first league tea of the season and needing to ensure her Chardonnay was adequately chilled. The players arrived in dribs and drabs with Lazy's entrance the most spectacular. Straight off the juice and laying belly-down on the roof of Coyley's car, accompanied by a blaring rendition of "I'm Sitting on Top of the World", having been rescued from the gutter in the St. Botolph's area by his chaffeur some (but not many .....) hours previously. One can only wonder at the aerodynamic properties of the Ford Mondeo that he did not end up under the wheels! As the start time approached, Wolfie crept in unnoticed, quietly calculating bonus points in a dark corner of the pavilion while Henners went to the wrong ground, happy to put some mileage on the clock of his new Fiesta. Battle commenced with Lewis the Launch and his captain at once getting after the opening bowlers, the latter opening his account with a straight six into the rookery. However, an injudicious swipe at a straight ball accounted for the captain and the frantic activity abated as Coyley took root. At 58 for 1 off 20 overs, the start was steady rather than spectacular with Dobson, the Clacton opening bowler, enjoying a good spell. After a slow start, Coyley got into his stride until he was brilliantly and unexpectedly caught just above the ground at wide mid-wicket. Lazy ambled to the crease, his lack of timing with the bat giving away the extent of his indiscretions with the bottle(s) the previous evening! Lewis perished for an excellent 76, remarkably caught off a full-blooded pull shot which had seemed destined for four. Successive batsmen contributed further, including Lazy's baby sister Glenda who spanked a six into the garden of the old vicarage and particularly Potty who demonstrated his full range of shots with a flat six, a straight four and an improbably deft late cut for four, down to the third man boundary. He was of course out the very next ball! E C & B closed at 211 for 7 off their allotted 45 overs. A good score, but perhaps not as good as had seemed probable at one stage.

Ros Brogan's inaugural league tea was a treat, with excellent and varied sandwiches and of course, trademark cakes! The E C & B players responded to the challenge by hoovering the entire spread, much to Ros' approval. However, the fine fodder was to prove the undoing of the E C & B bowlers as Wolfie struggled with his length and Potty, noticeably leaden-footed in a shortened run up following consumption of three gargantuan slices of jam sponge. At once up with the rate, the Clacton batters put pressure on the E C & B bowlers necessitating the introduction of Lazy (a little languid or should that be "liquid"?) and Mr. Slow, woefully inaccurate and expensive. It remained for Coyley to restore order with the match at a critical point, with Clacton ambling towards victory at 105 for 2 off 20 overs. Coyley's dismissal of Reynolds, the Clacton opener for a fine 75, proved to be a turning point and the Clacton innings fizzled out to 152 all out, off 38 overs. 

A comfortable E C & B victory in the end but it could have been very different! The two teams assembled in the Bures Swan instead of The Bells in view of the early hour, where rival scorers Debra Coyle and Ray Russell continued their catfight, bickering over lost leg-byes, penalty runs and other things that only scorers ever worry about. A lean and languid Lazy sipped a diet Coke apologetically and longed for a detox. while Coyley posed and modelled a new line in beach flip-flops, which complimented the circa 1989 shell-suit bottoms which he had borrowed from his Mum, nicely. As the Clacton boys departed and the night drew in, a familiar quorum of Bures drunks refilled their glasses and reflected on the season so far. Three quarters of the season gone and largely successful season so far, with many victories and a successful alliance with Earls Colne which should (barring an extraordinary run of defeats) lead to a promotion to division 2.

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