Match Report - Earls Colne & Bures vs. Kirby 22/05/05

E C & Bures 95 all out (35 overs)

Kirby 96 for 1 (22.4 overs)

Kirby won by 9 wickets

Sadly, another heavy defeat for Earls Colne and Bures, fielding a team of enthusiastic youngsters interspersed with partially ambulent silver threads club members, colloquially termed "a mixture of youth and experience".

Mr. Slow allowed himself to be dazzled at the sight of the coin in the air and inexplicably called correctly, electing to bat on a dry and firm Kirby wicket. "Nine Lives" Kearin and "Hop-a-long" Chambers survived the initial salvo before the latter miscued to cover and departed to the pavilion on crutches. His colleague soon followed, bruised and battered from a sustained leg-side assault. The demise of Oliver Sills added further insult to injury, playing-on off a bottom edge. This brought Tom Cropper to the crease to partner Himesh "Hamish" Patel and at last pleasing progress was made with neither batsman showing any respect for the bowlers in taking the score on to 84 for 3 in good time. Of course, it was too good to last. The introduction of Lawes, bowling off-breaks, had both batters back in the hutch clean-bowled for 31 and 34 respectively. From 84 for 3, E C & B declined to 95 all out, with Lawes enjoying excellent figures of 5-2-9-6, including a hat-trick and two sad golden ducks (don't worry guys, your secret is safe with me, but suffice to say that Mark Harries' bat reached the changing room before he did, and poor old Wolfie was complaining that he had only been selected for his bowling anyway!).

A most pleasant tea was taken in the adjacent bowls club, with immense chocolate cakes and home-made scotch eggs. Mr. Slow and Hop-a-Long admired the vista and recalled the occasion of their last visit to Kirby when Butlin's was still open in Clacton, and there was no port at Parkeston. Nine Lives inspected the first-aid kit closely, hoping to find a poultice or two with which he could treat his bruised bottom.

The Kirby batters approached their modest task sensibly against a containing Joe Smith/Mr. Slow attack. A rush of blood accounted for one of the Kirby openers but from then on it was one-way traffic, with the scoring rate rising at the expense of the change bowlers, and Kirby easily reaching their target in just 23 overs.

Beer was taken in the Hare and Hounds at Kirby Cross afterwards, with the Kirby lads buoyant at the thrashing they had dealt out. Mr. Slow and his crew sidled out quietly and the team bus was quiet on the journey back as the players reflected on their defeat.

But next week, yes, next week, we are going to win!

Earls Colne & Bures - Jamie Pringle, Himesh Patel, John Gibson, Lewis Chambers, Mark Harries, David Guthrie, Colin Bocking (Capt.), Oliver Kearin, Oliver Sills, Joe Smith, Tom Cropper.

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