Match Report 21/07/02

"As flies to wanton boys are we to the Gods, they kill us for their sport"

Bures League Side defeated again!!

Having won the toss and elected to bat, all looked set for a promising afternoon, but alas our hopes were ill founded. Amos and Warden started proceedings with distinction, the former in his Herculian style and the latter holding the ship steady until being asked to take a suicidal run which sadly returned him to the pavilion. Amos was soon to follow due to a pearler of a daisy cutter (actually, a half-volley which he played all round.....Ed.) and the rot then set in. Moments of relief were provided by Wigan who was sober and looked in good form until being uncharacteristically caught at cow corner, but a useful 25 odd. Skinner produced a hard hitting 15 and the finale was Joe Dutton putting the fairly brisk opening bowler over mid wicket for 6 to the considerable amusement of both teams. Bures closed at 133 for 10 knowing that it would be an uphill struggle.

Some fairly accurate and containing bowling from Waterworth and Chambers was not supported by Norton and Lee, Amos eventually found some line and length and delivered some goodish overs but not up to the mystical style and wizardry of Mr Slow. (bloody hell Potty...were you sober when you wrote this?....Ed.) Bures claimed 3 scalps, might have been different if Warden had held onto a dolly in the fourth over, but I doubt it! A comfortable victory for Bergholt, Bures really second rate and probably got the deserved result.

The Bures boys travelled the short distance to West Bergholt yesterday - an attractive ground set in a private estate on the east of the village with excellent facilities. The frequent follower will have already deduced by this preamble that the cricket was nothing to write home about - or anywhere else for that matter.

The Bures team welcomed four colts to the contest and were inserted on what looked like a fair wicket - firm and not too moist, as it were (hmmm........ambiguous terminology is NOT welcome here Waterbutt......Ed.). Predictably Messrs. Amos and Warden opened up and provided our usual solid start before Dave Warden was run out by a magical direct hit from an obtuse angle by their cover fielder. Will Amos who, as always, kept the scoreboard ticking over with his usual six-four-dot-six scoring routine threatened to cut loose big time and really compile a big score before a daisy cutter shivered his timbers. Still Bures at 45 for 2 were looking a good bet for 200 plus on a wicket that 150 was a probable winning score. Despite several others getting in and set to score heavily their long-off fielder had a field day with three (at least - I lost count) down-his-throat (look I TOLD you........less ambiguity...OK?...Ed.) catches to put a premature to various promising innings. Our under-18 contingent of Lee & Mark Norton, Joe Dutton and James Lee battled bravely and showed spirit that belied their tender (look this is going onto the internet Waterbacon, you can't use words like that. We will attract the wrong type of surfer...Ed.) years (and hangovers) to take the fight to the opposition and compiled some thirty valuable runs in various partnerships. At 133 all out from 41 overs tea was taken.

It is usually at this point when our correspondent begins to take serious notice of both the quantity and quality of the proceedings, and his very refreshing one-hour sleep during our innings had certainly sharpened his appetite. Smoked salmon, egg, cheese copious crisps and choccycake were a gastronomic treat - made all the better by their trés attractive (it must be the e-numbers) French tea-lady (une femme de thé, perhaps?) with an accent to match. All thoughts of French beef, football and CAP Reform (keep your private views about contraception out of this Watermeter, you old pervert....Ed.) evaporated without residue (look, I warned you, keep the filth out of it, OK?....Ed.). After helping her to set up, eat up and wash up she also evaporated as we set off to meet our particular Waterloo.

It is at this point where one questions the benefit of a bowling machine which seriously restricts the amount of much-needed (it appears) practice our rusty and wayward bowlers need. No-one escaped the treatment and our total was surpassed with some eight overs remaining for the loss of three wickets. A disappointed team and supporters (thanks Tyson) trudged home to regroup for next weeks challenge/opportunity at Tollesbury-next-the-sea. See you at nets on Tuesday guys.