Match Report Bures Over The Hills Vs Twinstead Tweenies 07/07/02
Not one but two reports of a second ignominious defeat for a Bures Eleven over the weekend. Thank God we have a league side who can win occasionally!
ANNUAL CRUMBLIES
MATCH - BURES V TWINSTEAD - By Alan Cropper
This weekend had a certain symmetry. The Saturday side lost by ten wickets to
Gestingthorpe, so we decided to do the same at Twinstead.
We batted first and cruised to 30+ for the first wicket - a good spring board it
appeared. Twinstead then proceeded to take 5 catches that would have graced any
match least of all one with several players only able to move on a Stanna
stairlift. One fielder, who was otherwise unable to stop a ball unless it went
exactly to him and then hit his foot, took two steepling catches on the
boundary, only because Alan W and Sammy hit the ball precisely down his throat.
The Chairman had obviously let his beta blockers slide, because he produced an
almighty heave off his second ball and was, guess what, caught. Mike Gordon, who
had smacked 37 runs almost all of them boundaries, edged and was caught at
gully. There was a running catch - running for God's sake, several LBWs the odd
clatter of wickets and we were done for 106 in 28 overs, this after I had
lobbied successfully to increase the match from 30 to 35 overs. The Twinstead
openers nurdled their way to our score in under 20 overs, showing total
disrespect for our secret bowling weapon, Alan Waterworth, and ditto for any and
everybody who bowled at them. On the bright side, not a single catch was
dropped. On the even brighter side, Susie made the tea, which wiped out all the
disappointments in an orgy of Chocolate cake and those wonderful sandwiches. It
summed up the Bures ethos, stunning teas with a bit of cricket. Over several
pints at the Swan, we realised the deeper truth of the matter, that the only
reason for our abject failure, is to be found in the Bures wicket. We are just
not used to a pitch where the ball bounces fairly and evenly and doesn't
decapitate the batsmen. Every ball up at Twinstead was doubted from the moment
it left the bowlers hand and where the Twinstead players smacked it hard, we
gave it all our attention and guile and pads (now there's a mistake) and got
out. How about that for an excuse?
followed by.....................
Twinstead Over 50s demolished their valiant Bures peers in a very one-sided contest at their fine ground on Sunday to retain the Sanatagen Cup.
By Alan Waterworth
Bures were invited to bat first in this initially agreed thirty over contest. This was extended to thirty five after several overs by mutual agreement after it was acknowledged that we needed 'more than a couple of balls to get our eye in these days'. I will gloss over individual contributions, especially mine, in the interests of self esteem and on the advice of my nurse - suffice to say that the drizzle put some zip into an otherwise 'flat wacker' wicket, turning their fairly lightweight bowling (the majority of it over-arm )into a Joel Garner-like attack, and their ability to catch everything whether short or deep was a skill I was not used to seeing (or even contributing to ) at a usual Sunday game. Bures made 108 and tea was taken slightly early - one of Suzie's specials. Even her usual mouth-watering offerings ('scuse the expression) were surpassed both in quality and quantity this time - what a treat and well worth (Hon Treasurer please note) (bollocks.....luv, Hon. Treas.) the £2 (3.0 euros) match fee. The Twinstead openers then proceeded to knock off the required runs in circa 24 very painful overs and that, fortunately, was that. Not a contest for the faint-hearted this one and my man-of-the-match was Jim 'don't tell him your name Pike' Arthur for his Bothamesque all round performance. Several others were in the reckoning and the whole team gave it their all although to be personally placed at mid-wicket because 'I could run' (and bend it turned out !)was an unfamiliar and slightly worrying personal experience when we went out to field. A delightful ground with hideous memories!